Sam graduated from high school this weekend. It is weird for me to even type this, because truly, Sam did not graduate from high school. Sam will never “graduate” from high school in regards to having a high school education. In fact, our plans are for Sam to return to high school in the fall and attend the next two years.

We struggled with a couple things in regards to graduation. The first was, do we have a graduation open house for Sam? The second was, do we have Sam participate in the graduation service? You see, when you have a child (now young adult) with special needs, very few decisions are easy and straight forward. It seems we always have to think through everything. “What if this happens?” “What about that?” “What if he does this?” It is complex.

In regards to an open house, we knew people would attend in support of us, but we had no idea how Sam would behave. Generally, Sam really dislikes people coming up to him and trying to interact with him. Granted there are some people who he loves interacting with, but as a general rule, he does not like to be messed with, so we had visions of having an open house with Sam absolutely refusing to greet anyone. What if Sam is in a bad mood?

We did decide on the open house and we were amazed at how well Sam handled it all. He was amazing! Sam sat in a chair by the guest book and greeted EVERY single person who came. He shook their hand or gave them a hug. He even posed for a picture with every person. It was truly a great experience – a gift to our whole family!

The graduation ceremony went well also. There were a couple hitches for Sam, but all in all, it was a good experience. It was a blessing to see Sam walking into the gym with his peers. These are things we do not see very often – him being one with his peers. That to me was the emotional time – the band playing “Pomp and Circumstance”, the senior class walking in – with Sam being part of the class. My eyes filled with tears as I looked on in joy.

Having a child with special needs is hard, certainly much harder than I would have ever imagined. Sometimes I think the mental challenges are even more difficult than the physical ones (and we have had some physical challenges!). Planning for different scenarios, thinking about the “what do we do if Sam does this…”, looking at Sam with his peers and realizing he will never be like them – not even close, looking towards the future that is incredibly unclear, etc…

Having a child with special needs has also brought joy, more joy than I would have ever imagined. This past weekend we had some moments of that great joy, times when Sam acted like his peers.

I thank God for bringing Sam into our lives. He has been a tremendous blessing

I would encourage you that if you know a family with a child with special needs that you encourage them and help them any way you can. It is a tough road. Interact with the family, especially with the one with special needs. Be a listening ear. Call and see how things are going. Encourage, encourage, encourage. Celebrate the joys with them. Be persistent.

Who can you encourage today? What are you celebrating?

This is how we spend most meals. Sam sitting at his normal place and Lacey (aka “the Black Dog”) with her head in his lap. Now, lest you think, “Oh, that is so sweet of Lacey” or “Oh, look, a boy and his dog!” or some other thought that makes this black furry creature look so sweet, the only reason Lacey’s head is on Sam’s lap is she is waiting to seize the opportunity when Sam spills some food, then she gets her reward! What a smart dog! Her wait ALWAYS pays off as Sam spills something every meal.

Waiting for the reward, patience and persistence. These words sum up the life of raising a child with special needs – especially patience and persistence. There is not a day that goes by where we don’t have to have an extra dose of patience with Sam. Change is hard for Sam. Not just big changes like going to a new store or having a new experience, really any change. If Sam has his mind set on something, it is extremely difficult to get him off-center – almost impossible.

For instance, Sam is extremely possessive of his backpack and videos that he stores within that backback. When I say extremely possessive, those words are an understatement. Very rarely will he not have his backpack in his possession. When he goes to the bathroom he even takes it in with him. If we want to search his backpack for anything – or convince him to not have 30 or 40 movies in it, we have to start talking about it several hours in advance. Sometimes, after much talking and reassuring and trying to explain things, Sam will allow us to look in his backpack. If we just went in and grabbed it from him, we better be ready to do some battle!

Waiting, patience, persistence … sometimes life is difficult. Sometimes it seems all we do is wait, forcing us to have patience and testing our persistence. Waiting for that positive behavior, that change, that hard time to be over – waiting for that reward. With Sam, rewards comes every day in some degree. It comes when he spontaneously gives one of us a hug – or joins the family by sitting on the couch – or tells us by answering yes or no with his left arm, what he wants for breakfast – or when his bed is dry in the morning – or when he joyfully comes with us into a store – or when he lays on the ground using Lacey as his pillow (that is when she is a good dog!) – Every day we experience rewards with Sam!

Life gets hard sometimes – for all of us. Relationships are challenging, the job situation is not the best, a health issue creeps up, money is tight. It is when life is hard that sometimes we just need to wait and have patience and persistence. Give the situation to God and wait. Sometimes we have to wait longer than we would like, but that is life. It reminds me of Romans 5:3-4, “We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character and character hope…” What a great verse to remember as we go through difficult times!

In what areas of your life are you experiencing waiting, patience and perseverance?

A couple weeks ago, we had to take Sam to Methodist Hospital in Des Moines to be put under general anesthesia so that he could have some tests (x-ray, CT scan and blood work). I realize that these are three minor tests and you may wonder why in the world would anyone have to be put under anesthesia for these three tests? To say that Sam is uncooperative for any medical procedure would be a gross understatement. In order for the insurance company to agree to do these tests, we were forced to try them without anesthesia a couple weeks prior. Needless to say, those who were witness to the event agree with us that Sam needs to be put to sleep for any medical tests to be accomplished.

Anyway, I don’t want to focus on the tests (which all turned out good) or the frustrations in us having to go through the attempt without anesthesia. What I want to focus on is how lame I am sometimes in seeing God’s hand in the mundane. Stacy is great at this. I suck at this. I can get caught up in the moment and really neglect to see the big picture.

We had to take Sam to the room with the CT scan. We met the anesthesiologist there, with his assistant and the transport guy. So the room included five of us plus Sam. We tried to get the mask on Sam so that the gas would put him asleep. Our first attempt was a struggle. OK, it was a war … and Sam won. The doctor then gave Sam a quick shot of something and we started round 2. We won round 2. The mask was put on Sam’s face. The five of us held Sam down and he was asleep in 30 seconds or so.

I was pretty well spent following this. In fact, I was an emotional wreck. It was one of those times where I just couldn’t speak because I knew if I would speak, I would cry. Trust me, I have held Sam down for several medical procedures. I am guessing a hundred. This always stinks. I am happy to do it, because I don’t want Sam to be in a room totally of strangers as he is traumatized and scared. So, Stacy and I get to physically restrain him – and this is always hard.

Anyway, following this time, Stacy makes the comment how thankful she is to Jesus that He provided the people necessary to accomplish this battle with Sam. The three men were incredibly nice and understanding. In fact, the assistant to the anesthesiologist mentioned that he is an adoptive parent to several children with special needs and that he always asks to be involved when kids like Sam need tests. He was very gracious to us and was good for Sam. He basically hugged Sam and spoke to him all the time until he was asleep.

Stacy sees a situation like this and gives thanks to God. I see a situation like this and get caught up in the situation, frustrated how things are, a little angry at God that Sam can’t hold still like normal people. Sometimes I am so shallow and have so little faith that it amazes me.

The great thing is that it is at times like this where God meets us. God meets us where we are at, in the day to day struggles of life. Sometimes it is hard to see God during those struggles, but his Word says that he is there with us. I am so thankful for Stacy and her ability to see God in these situations. One of my favorite songs is “Life is Hard, but God is Good” by Pam Thum. It is so true.

What situation are you going through that it is hard to see God?

But, today I want to honor Sam. It is his 18th birthday today! In some ways it seems like yesterday that God brought him into our world and in other ways it seems like an eternity! It has been quite a roller coaster! Highs and lows. Good times and bad times.

One thing Sam has taught us is honesty – especially when it comes to opening up presents. Sam is an incredibly hard kid to buy gifts for. Usually he just doesn’t care. Once in awhile he gets something he likes. Other times we are sure he will like something and he totally snubs his nose at the gift.

Today was one of those days when we thought we had a gift for Sam that he would love – the game of Trouble. This is a game Sam has played all summer at Camp ChildServe. Needless to say he was not impressed. We caught his response on video for you all to enjoy. In this video you get both extremes – a gift he likes (a Barney video) and one he doesn’t (Trouble).

I am certain we have all received gifts where internally we have had the same response as Sam. The thing is that we generally hide our reaction. Sam doesn’t! He is brutally honest!

I took these pictures last Saturday morning. Sam woke up and came down to our bedroom. No big deal. He does this almost every morning. The only difference this day was that he made a pit stop in the kitchen. Lo and behold, it was his lucky day as he found half a double-layer chocolate cake sitting on the counter! Golden! Sam proceeded to eat the whole thing! Truthfully, who wouldn’t if you found this and thought you could eat it and get away with it? As you can see, things got a little messy.

It’s a good picture symbolizing life. Sometimes things get messy. Sometimes I cause the mess, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes the mess is easy to clean up, sometimes it isn’t. The thing is that in all situations, the mess must be dealt with, it must be cleaned up. It is always worth the effort!

What is the biggest mess you have gotten into? How’d you clean it up?