Archive - September, 2011

Doubting Matt

September 15, 2011 in The Kitchen Table with 0 Comments

I am dealing with lots of doubt and negative thoughts right now. It is all centered around one thing – ok, I have lots of doubts and negative thoughts, but right now one thing is at the forefront – the Des Moines Half-Marathon!

I have been training for this event the past couple months. I started by going a half-mile in May and have steadily increased my mileage. Last Friday I attempted my first double-digit slog – a ten-miler. It sucked. Bad.

I am having the biggest problem getting past the 6 mile mark. I can get six miles in without stopping, but then I crash and burn. I am spent, done, toast. I end up walking and jogging the last 3-4 miles in pain and misery. Keep in mind, a half-marathon is 13.1 miles – a far distance from six! I really don’t know what to do. The race (that’s a funny term) – I mean the gauntlet is four weeks from Sunday (October 16th).

I have spoken to a few experienced runners and have done some reading, looking for ways to get through the six mile wall. People give recommendations on if I am taking in water and energy (gel, energy beans, etc…) during the run – I am. People say you just have to keep on going through it – easier said than done. Someone said to just be content to walk/run the last six or seven miles – then I will get passed by 3/4ths of those running the full-marathon (pride – ugh). I read about replacing negative thoughts with positive “I can do this” thoughts or diverting my thoughts to think about my graceful stride or something similar. I tried this yesterday morning. I had positive thoughts for about 10 seconds and my mind immediately went back to how much pain I was in and how hard it was.

I wonder if I should just throw in the towel and be resigned to the fact that people my size aren’t made to slog 13.1 miles. Doubt.

Sometimes I doubt spiritual things as well. Sometimes I wonder if the Bible is real. I wonder if Jesus truly was God’s son. I feel like Thomas when he doubted until he actually touched the wounds of Jesus. The problem is I can’t physically touch the wounds of Jesus.

What does someone do with doubt?

I think there are several options. One is to study. If you doubt the Bible, so some research on the Bible, examine the textual evidence, the archaeological evidence, etc. Another option is to seek advice, ask people for help, people who have faith that you respect. Pray about it. Ask God to help you with your doubt. Ask others to pray for you.

Sometimes you just have to keep on going through your doubt. I have come to the realization that I am not going to have everything figured out and I am ok with that. I embrace the truths I do know and try to look beyond those things that don’t make total sense to me.

I guess that’s what I am going to do with the doubt I experience when I am looking towards the half-marathon. I am just going to keep going. I am going to keep putting one leg in front of the other. I am going out for a 10-mile jog in the morning. My goal is to make it farther tomorrow than I did last week without stopping.

I am praying that I won’t let my doubts hold me back. Don’t let your doubts hold you back either. I would appreciate your prayers over the next month as I battle my doubts and negative self-talk in regard to the half-marathon.

Where are your biggest doubts right now? How can you overcome them?

10 years, 20 years …

September 12, 2011 in Christian Living, Goals with 0 Comments

I watched the 9/11 special last night on CBS. I was mesmerized watching the events unfold from ten years ago. It is amazing to me that it has been ten years since that day. Time sure does fly.

I was impressed as they interviewed firemen who were in the Towers that day. To a man, they said that that day seems like it was just yesterday and that they think about that day every day. I can’t imagine the emotions they must struggle with every single day, being thankful to be alive to having survivor’s guilt. One man said he knew about 100 of the 343 firefighters killed on 9/11. He said, “That’s a lot of friends to lose in one day.” Wow.

The television special went on to chronicle some of the health issues that are facing those who assisted in the clean-up in the days and months following 9/11. Rare cancers, severe respiratory issues, depression, etc… One firefighter said he is attending a funeral or memorial service for a co-worker every few days. Another firefighter said rather fatalistically, that he tries to make the most out of every day because he doesn’t know if it will be tomorrow or the day after when he receives word that he has a terminal disease and that it will be his funeral or memorial service people will be attending.

When I heard this statement, I thought that this is the way each one of us should seek to live – seeking to make the most of each day. Not in fear of being diagnosed with some terminal disease, but in realization that all of our days are numbered.

Our church will be celebrating our 20th year as a church next month. We are planning an anniversary service and will spend time remembering and celebrating what God has done over these last twenty years. We will also spend time looking forward and dreaming about what God will accomplish the next twenty years.

Twenty years ago, I was a naïve 25 year-old. Twenty years from now I will be a naive 65 year-old. I can look back and celebrate what God has done in and through me these past 20 years. I also look ahead and wonder what God will do in and through me the next 20 years (if I am around that long!). My desire is to be faithful each day and to make the most of each day. I certainly realize that there will be days I fall short, but hopefully, with God’s grace, I can make a difference in the lives of others each day in the next 20 years!

How will you use the next 20 years?

Relationships – the good, bad and ugly!

September 7, 2011 in Christian Living with 1 Comment

20110907-121705.jpg
I am guessing that no matter what church you belong to, you are encouraged to be part of a small group – a group of 8-12 who meet on a regular basis. The purpose of this could be to “go through life together” or to “care” for each other or to “grow” spiritually together or to just build relationships or study something together.

I have been part of a small group for over 10 years, not the same group, but our existing group has been together for the past several years. I am going to be pretty frank and open about the good, the bad and the ugly of our group – sharing my joys and frustrations of small group interaction. I am guessing this group isn’t really any different from any other group when it comes down to it.

Has our group become closer friends through the years? Yes and no. For some, I was closer friends a couple years ago than I am now. That is probably more my fault than the groups’ though. For others, I am closer. For the most part, as a group, we are closer than we were a couple years ago. If the goal of our small group is deepening friendships, I don’t believe it can happen meeting just twice a month – especially when someone is almost always gone on any given Wednesday. We have brought up the possibility of adding a third meeting, but people are so busy we have been hesitant to do that. We have also talked about doing a monthly social – just going out an doing something fun – but this doesn’t seem to be something people want either.

For the most part, people in our group really desire to grow spiritually – but they don’t want to do a study that requires much (if any) homework. This can be a little frustrating and certainly makes it a challenge to pick what to focus on as far as the study goes. Spiritual growth takes time and it takes effort. A bi-weekly small group just can not be the only avenue of spiritual growth for people in a group. We do only meet twice a month at best. If you expect your group to be your main avenue of growth, I am afraid you will always go hungry.

This leads me to accountability. Do we have a sense of accountability within our group? In my opinion, I would say not really. We will bring things up during a meeting and typically there is very little follow through. I may be unaware of contact going on amongst our group between meetings following up on prayer requests, challenges, etc…, but I have not found this to be consistent within our gout. I attribute this to people being busy with work and their own family. I am guessing this is a challenge for most groups.

So, with this all being said, why am I in a small group – or more specifically this small group?

First and foremost, I do love these people in our group. Truly. I would do anything for them and I feel they would do anything for me – especially if asked. I wish we were to the point of seeing needs/wants and helping meet those needs without being asked, but we aren’t (and may never get there as people are very busy). But I do feel if I asked for help with something or experienced a need, these people would be in my corner and I would be in theirs.

Secondly, I do enjoy getting together with these people every other Wednesday. These are usually times I look forward to. Sometimes the times together are frustrating, but generally they are enjoyable and we have fun together.

Thirdly, I also believe we are called through Scripture to be involved in people’s lives. We are called to go through life together – to encourage one another, to care for, to love, to exhort, etc… I want to do this with this group of people – even if sometimes we suck at it.

I wish we were closer. I wish we cared for each other more. I wish we were more open with our lives – our hopes, our dreams, our challenges, our heartaches. I wish life wasn’t always so busy that we could get together more. I wish we did a better job of contacting each other between meetings. I am praying we can move in this direction as we continue to meet (assuming they don’t read this and vote to disband our group!).

I do love my small group – the good, the bad and the ugly!

2011 NFL Season – My Picks

September 6, 2011 in Football with 0 Comments

With the NFL season set to kick-off on Thursday, here are my picks for the upcoming season. I have laboriously studied each team – ok, I took about 10 minutes to fill this out! It should be a fun season!

AFC
East:
            New England Patriots 12-4
New York Jets              10-6
Miami Dolphins            7-9
Buffalo Bills                 4-12

North:
            Pittsburgh Steelers      13-3
Baltimore Ravens       10-6
Cleveland Browns       5-11
Cincinnati Bengals      3-13

South:
            Houston Texans           10-6
Indianapolis Colts          9-7
Jacksonville Jaguars      8-8
Tennessee Titans          5-11

West:
            San Diego Chargers    10-6
Kansas City Chiefs         9-7
Oakland Raiders           8-8
Denver Broncos          5-11

NFC
East:
            Philadelphia Eagles     12-4
New York Giants           8-8
Dallas Cowboys            7-9
Washington Redskins  5-11

North:
            Green Bay Packers      12-4
Detroit Lions                 8-7
Minnesota Vikings        8-8
Chicago Bears             6-10

South:
            Atlanta Falcons           11-5
New Orleans Saints     11-5
Tampa Bay Buccaners  7-9
Carolina Panthers       3-13

West:
            Arizona Cardinals        10-6
St. Louis Rams             9-7
Seattle Seahawks        7-9
San Francisco 49ers    4-12

AFC Conference Finals:
San Diego vs. New England

NFC Conference Finals:
New Orleans vs. Green Bay

Super Bowl:
San Diego over Green Bay – 31-28